Friday, 26 February 2010

Miscellaneous post #7

I'm now a quarter of the way through my dissertation.That's quite a nice feeling.Especially as I have the rest of it planned out too.Bit annoying that all the work I put into it when I was in France was for nothing,but if it means the whole thing is going to be better,I'll go along with that.Still lots of work to do though,I have a lot of research into gay adoption laws in Germany to do,plan a French presentation about the Lisbon Treaty,a Russian one about Russian Reality TV,and write an essay about Vienna :/

Anyway,another 2lbs off this week,God knows how.That's a total of 16lbs lost so far,which seems an insane amount.I don't really deserve to have lost all that seeing as I've not really made any effort at all,but again,I'm not complaining.My new motivation to go to the gym is that I have several episodes of Tintin to watch on my ipod when I'm there :) That,and fitting into my lovely Norwegian coat that I haven't been able to wear for the last 18 months or so.

Mentally I'm feeling slightly better than last week.I've been on the Valerian Root for a week now and am down to 2 tablets a day.It seems to be working OK.Also had a chat with my aunt last night- I never knew she used to be an anxiety counsellor,so that helps :) She's going to send me some relaxation CDs,which I think will be good.Of course,nothing in the world will help me sleep against the noise and bass vibrations we get in our house in Guildford,but there's not long now til that'll all be over.

Mother and Father rang again today.They're in Fuerteventura and apparantly there's some big drag cabaret thing happening tonight.I'm very jealous,even though they're not actually going to it.Am happy to hear that they've bought me more tat though.I love the kitsch,plastic tat that's so abundant in Mediterranean countries.I had loads of lacy fans from Italy and Spain when I was little but they seem to have disappeared.But when I have my own house I want a brightly coloured room that's full of the stuff,so that's why I asked them to buy me the naffest things they can find.So far I have one of the aforementioned lacy fans, a flamenco dancer fridge magnet,and erm, a big purple lobster with springy legs :/ There are other things too but they won't tell me what they are.

Oh,I watched a BBC programme last night called Art of Russia.I think it was the last in the series,but luckily it was all about Communist Art, "Socialist Realism".As a big fan of this genre,as mentioned here,it was all very interesting.I can't believe the lovely sculptures of engineers and farmers in the Moscow metro are still untouched though.If that was in the London Underground they would have disappeared long ago.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

It's far from over

The last few weeks have been proper rubbish here.Having big motivation problems with work,though I'm still not stressed about it because it will get done eventually because it has to.I'm going home next week to concentrate on my dissertation.There won't be anyone at home so I'll have all the silence I need and none of the distractions I don't.

I've been having massive anxiety problems too.This has been going on for at least a year but just seems to be getting worse to the point that I'm seeing someone about it,doing all these breathing exercises,and am on various herbal tablets to try and stop it.I find walking helps too,especially at night.I was getting ready to go out at 1 o clock this morning but ended up in the kitchen having a chat with my housemate for a few hours about Wispa Gold and Tuc biscuits and the likes.That helped too,and was probably a better option than going for a walk,seeing how frosty it was last night.

Other rubbish things have happened in the past week too,but we don't talk about those anymore.

But as any good counsellor would tell you,you should think about the positives.Well,I bought some daffodils yesterday and they bloomed over night to give me a nice surprise in the corner of my room this morning.I always find daffodils cheerful.It means spring can't be too far away.Also,I've lost around a stone now.I haven't been eating well or exercising at all in the last couple of weeks,but I'm still fitting into my old size 14 stuff again,which was what I wanted,even if I do still need to lose another half a stone or so.

The best thing though,is that I have my old friend back,after a very long time of not talking.He has a blog,which is here,he's from Flensburg and he has very good taste in music :) Such as this song,which I've listened to a crazy amount this weekend.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell...

Here's the most criminally underated Norwegian singer ever (Kjartan Salvesen) singing a song with very nice lyrics (Unwell by Matchbox Twenty).It starts about 55 seconds in.He only sings one verse,so all the words are underneath.



All day staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on, feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I'm talking to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking, somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell